Gratitude and Relief

Earlier today, I thought for sure that Adrienne's gymnastics meet (intra squad event at the high school tonight) would surely be the "awesome" thing for today. And for that reason, I took two cameras, hoping to get a good shot of her.

But as great as Adrienne performed, Andrew went missing for three hours which totally overshadowed everything and made for a dramatic evening in a way I wasn't anticipating.

It was around 5:15pm when I received a text from him... He was at Saint Paul, his former school, visiting friends by attending a girls' volleyball game. The game had started and he'd already connected with the parent that had agreed to bring him home. His next text, a few minutes later, asked if he stay out after the game by going over to this friend's house. I said no. I asked him to text me when the game ended and then again when he got into the house (Eric was working and I was sitting in the stands at the gymnastics meet). No response.

Forty five minutes passed with no texts, no answering his cell phone or our house phone. And no response from the parent who agreed to drive him home. Initially, I wasn't worried. I thought he probably made it home and just forgot to let me know.

But when a Saint Paul parent arrived at the meet, having previously been at the Volleyball game, and did not recall seeing Andrew... well, I got worried. And when that same parent said Andrew's ride had gone to Pizza Hut with the team and Andrew for sure wasn't with them because she'd just come from there, I became stricken with panic. What had happened?

In the meantime, Eric finished his last patient and sent a text wondering if I was still at the gymnastics meet. I briefed him on Andrew's trip to the volleyball game, the break in communication, and the Saint Paul parent not recalling his attendance at the game or his presence at Pizza Hut. Eric drove home to check the house and drove to Saint Paul, all to no avail...No Andrew.

I felt sick, like the whole gym was spinning. It was possible Andrew's phone was dead and he couldn't call me or text me, but the information about Pizza Hut clouded the scenario. Why didn't he go with who he said he was going to go with? And if he did end up with another friend, why hadn't he made it home yet? The volleyball game had now been over for more than an hour now.

I pulled Adrienne from the meet and drove home to stategize with Eric about where to begin looking and to discuss at what point we call the police if we can't find him.

Most of the people Andrew mentioned would be at the volleyball game were girls. I didn't have any of those phone numbers on hand, other than the parent who agreed to drive him home and she still wasn't answering. As a result, I had to look for old school directories. Since we switched schools this year, all that information was moved to a drawer to make room for the current directories. I had a hard time finding what I needed. My hands shook, my focus divided between the task at hand and scenarios that might have come up at the game or after the game. I'd talked to the mom who agreed to bring him home. She didn't mention Pizza Hut at the time. My mind raced.

After two phone calls, I had no leads. Both calls were to houses that had a girl on the volleyball team last year, but not this year. Finally on my third call, I learned that Andrew did arrive at the gym and did leave with the parent he said he would leave with. And then one other phone call and I got this: The woman that agreed to drive Andrew is now divorced and her daughters were due to her ex-husband after the volleyball game.

Despite the fact that she told me over the phone that she would be happy to bring Andrew home, she took two of her daughters and Andrew to her ex-husband's house and then dropped her other daughter off at Pizza Hut. Why she didn't drop Andrew on her way to the ex-husband's house is puzzling (since we live right across the street from the school), but not surprising. I've had other oddball dealings with this same woman but thought that our close proximity to Saint Paul wouldn't possibly create the jaugernaut that she created tonight.

Then the doorbell rang. The ex-husband and Andrew stood in the shadows on the porch. Relief.

This probably reads as if there was just a lack of communication and a little misunderstaning. And in many ways that was true. However, there was also a time gap between when the volleyball game ended and when Andrew eventually showed up at the door that really had me envisioning CNN and CSI. Maybe I watch too many news shows, maybe I've become cyncial and distrustful of our society... But this situation was so unlike Andrew and so far fetched to create in my mind, that I couldn't help but think otherwise--worse things.

All the while Andrew was out of communication I couldn't stop thinking aobut how much he loves his phone!! He texts constantly!! He loves to call people to get or give the update. Not communicating was odd...

And so this was the downfall of our arrangement--so much texting and calling did land his phone into dead battery land. And he's just not old enough, not experienced enough, and not quite savy enough to know that when he was in limbo at the ex-husband's house, and finding that his phone was dead, that he should have asked to use the house phone.

One phone call is all it takes. He could have let me know what happened and I would have stayed at the meet, saved myself a double shot of adrenaline.

BUT... now he knows.

He saw the look on my face when I opened the door. It was 8:30pm--about the time he normally gets in the shower. From his eyes I could tell he didn't like what had happened either.

I felt relief and gratitude that he made it home. I also felt relief and gratitude that this happened now--in the sixth grade, and that it only took a few hours... hopefully, he'll file this away and remember to keep me posted next time. And if he doesn't... I'll be sure to remind him.

Love Tuesdays

This is Eric, aka, my husband. I don't write about him very often. I'm not sure why. I was that way in grad school. I wrote about my kids, but never about my husband. So why today?

Well... Eric is off work on Tuesdays. And... I have a meeting after classes every Tuesday which makes it impossible for me to pick up Andrew at school and nearly impossible for me to be home when Adrienne gets off the bus. So... Tuesdays have become Eric's day where he does those things. But... He also makes dinner AND takes Adrienne to gymnastics AND picks her up.

On Tuesdays, all I have to do is come home and put my feet up. I can read if I want, I can take a long shower with no interruptions, I can watch the Food Network or the Oprah Network without a heavy sigh or complaint, AND I can sit and just stare out the window if I so choose. Because...Eric ALSO cooks dinner on Tuesdays.

This afternoon, I came home to Ina Gartin's Ultimate Brownies, a Fall Maple cookie (of his own creation) AND Tyler Florence's Chicken Parmesan with spaghetti, salad, and garlic bread.

I would normally link the recipes to my post, but it's Tuesday... I do very little work on Tuesday. Tuesdays, because of Eric's willingness to step up to the plate, are always awesome!!!

My House Beautiful

I love Sundays. It's the only day of the week when I sleep in.

When I finally decide to roll out of bed, I make French Toast or Pancakes for Eric and the kids. Then...I spend the rest of the day preparing for the week: doing laundry, planning out meals, grocery shopping, putting away coats, toys, shoes...or whatever didn't get put back in its proper spot due to the busyness of the last six days.

When it's all done, I guess you could say, Sunday is my day to hit the re-set button.

As I type: Dinner's done. Laundry's done. Kitchen's clean. Backpacks are organized. And even my own preparation for class is complete. I'm ready to start a new week.

But best of all, the last of the new family room furniture arrived yesterday. We're still waiting for speakers to complete the upgrade on the TV (which will require installation), but the room, in terms of furniture is finally complete.

It's the most awesome feeling at the end of a long day of organizing, cleaning and cooking, to have a comfortable AND BEAUTIFUL place to sit down and prop my feet up.

High Five for Five Days of Awesome

Middle School Blues Officially Busted!

If I had to pick a headline for the state of the union at the Hein House regarding middle school, that's the headline I'd choose.

Andrew had a birthday party today at Zao Island (our local mini golf, go cart, arcade, pizza place). He invited nine boys and actually got five to come despite soccer, football, other parties, family commitments, and the competition of the MOST BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY we've had in a long time.

The boys were polite and good natured. Despite just having met each other a little over a month ago, they all felt like they'd known each other much longer...they laughed a lot, teased each other a bit, and couldn't get enough of the go-karts.

Andrew had fun (and Adrienne even got to join in on a few activities without much squak from the boys). And me? I can close the door on the "adjustment period" to middle school... AWESOME!

Four days in a row... Awesome!

It's the wet and the dry--keeping them separate, folding one into the other... baking has never been something I'd say I'm good at. The "science" of baking doesn't mesh with the "creative" of cooking that I enjoy and so more often than not, my cookies turn out too hard or my cakes too dry.

And so isn't it Eric--the chemistry major and the guy with the most patience of anyone I know, who usually does the baking in the house? Yes, it is.

BUT... Today, I had it in my mind that I wanted to make banana bread or pumpking bread or spice bread... some kind of bread that I could gift to a family that just moved into the neighborhood. They'd invited us over for pizza and although I was already planning to take bakery purchased cut-out cookies as dessert, I wanted to take a home-made housewarming gift.

Maybe it was my sheer determination or maybe it was the care that I took in following the directions to the letter... My pumpkin bread turned out awesome, perfect, and delicious!

I made three mini-loaves--two for the new neighbors and one for Eric and me to taste BEFORE we gifted a home-made, never before made recipe to the neighbors.

Nervously, I cut a small piece from the small loaf. Then I wanted to jump for joy. The "look" of the inside of the bread was as dense as its suppossed to be without being too dry. And then, when the bread hit my tongue...SLAM DUNK. My bread had just the right amount of sweet to bread flavor and just the right amount of pumpkin goodness. I was overjoyed and even more proud when Eric, the household baker, thought I'd done a good job,too.

I wrapped the other two loaves in aluminum foil, tied a yellow ribbon around each package and felt proud to take a home-made, fall-flavored bread to my new friends. AWESOME!

This recipe came from the America's Test Kitchen Healthy Family Cookbook. Here it is:
Pumpkin Bread

1 15oz can of pumpkin (unsweetened)
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1 1/3 cup all purpose flour
2/3 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Cook the pumpkin, sugar, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg, and ginger together in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring constantly, until thick and shiny, 5-7 minutes. Set aside to cool.

2. Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly coat an 8 1/2 by 4 1/2 inch loaf pan with vegetable oil spray.

3. Whisk the all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour, baking soda, and baking powder together in a large bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk the cooled pumpkin mixture, melted butter, eggs, and vanilla together.

4. Gently fold the pumpkin mixture into the flour mixture with a rubber spatula until just combined (do not overmix). The batter will be very thick.

5. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the top. Bake until golden brown and a toothpick is inserted into the center of the loaf comes out with just a few crumbs attached, 45-55 minutes, rotating hte pan halfway through baking.

**For my little loaf pans, cook time was 25 minutes.

It's Awesome-Day Three

Today, the sun shone high in a cloudless sky. Not too hot, not too cold--it was the most perfect fall day.

Several years ago, while still in graduate school, I went on a writer's retreat with my class. It was exactly this time of year at an old convent near South Bend, Indiana. On a lake, surrounded by trees with golden leaves, this place was perfect for reflection. For several hours each afternoon, we all were required to find a spot outside on the grounds to free write.

In the beginning, I felt so confined by the task that I usually didn't write anything. I sat on the glider by the lake, watching the water ripple or the leaves fall. But one afternoon, whatever previously felt daunting about a free write fell away. I wrote this:

The swing creaks in rhythm with a chirping from an unknown bug a few feet away. Wild flowers, thistles, and grasses sway with me in the wind. The lake, in constant motion, carries fallen leaves.

I hear birds communicating to each other in trees. I feel the heat of the sun on my skin. I focus on my hand--dry, weathered, older than I give myself credit for. I imagine the pores of my skin opening and closing, taking in life at every second like the gills of the fish in the lake.

I lean my head back to see sky. I close my eyes. I pause to record the images. The boundries between earth and sky and water blur. What if I could melt into nature? What if that which lies silent and cluttered within me could find the motion to carry me down my path?

Today, as I'm walking to my mailbox or walking up to meet Adrienne at her bus stop, I think of this essay. I think of how the trees around the neighborhood remind me of the convent turned writing retreat center and that day that I finally broke through my writer's block.

At some point in the same essay, I wrote this:

In January, when the words will not come, I will need an image.

And isn't this an awesome one?

One Awesome a Day- Take Two

It's a rare occurence that I don't sleep well. Aside from my recent anxiety and concern for my kids settling into new schools, I normally sleep soundly--waking up feeling rested. However, last night was one of those nights...I tossed and turned, stared at the ceiling, and watched the clock turn over hour after hour. By the time the sun came up, the thought of facing the day made me feel frazzled.

Add fatigued and forgetful to frazzled, and it makes for a morning where I can't find a single thing I need or everything that I want is on a different floor of the house, forcing me to go up and down the stairs, or to go in and out of rooms. Despite the frantic pace and my frantic mood, I did manage to get both kids out the door with lunch and homework ON TIME.

It was when I was trying to do the same for myself, while running up the stairs in our front hall that I happened to catch a glimpse of the doe just outside the window, in the side yard, eating plants.

We see deer in our yard all the time. And we see them in the wetland (behind the house) daily. It's not that this sight is something new for me. But, seeing the doe so close to the window--so near my own life and routine AND looking right at me, as if she wanted to start a conversation... well, it was awesome!

I was concentrating on a few million thoughts when the doe first caught my eye. It only took a split second for our mutually stare to stop us both from our tasks. Maybe that's what made it so awesome--the curiosity that I felt from the eyes of the animal looking at me was so unique and heart-warming. Feeling frantic, frazzled, fatigued...it all drained from me as I stood on the stairs looking out the window, feeling nose to nose with this small doe.

One of the few million thoughts running through my head just seconds before, had to do with the One Awesome a Day idea. I was feeling as if the day was already off to a bad start and thinking I'd have a slim chance of seeing or doing something awesome when I'd had no sleep and didn't feel as if I had any of my ducks in a row for the day. But then there was this incredibly peaceful and grounding experience that appeared out of nowhere and could be described by no other word than, "Awesome!".

Normally, the deer in the wetland travel in packs--up to 12 at time go running through in the winter. Never do I see just ONE! And for that, I knew I wanted to get my camera. But, how could I look away from this incredible, and no doubt rare, connection to this one, lone doe in my yard? Stepping away from the window might mean that I'd come back to the scene that is most typical on this side of the house: just plants--no deer.

Obviously, I took the risk. And when I returned she was still there and still willing to look right at me, almost more curious about the camera and the flash than she was of me the first time. I got a mediocre image that doesn't come close to capturing the magic I felt.

But maybe, that's what experiencing something "Awesome!" is really about--not being able to adequately re-create the scene.

Just One "Awesome!" a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

I've been asked to teach a class on blogging at a community center in my town. At first I felt excited to share my knowledge... but then I thought, what knowledge? I've been blogging for a long time (about four years), but never consistently, certainly not on the same blog, and never to any commercial or popular success--i.e. I don't run ads, I don't have a "following," and I don't manage or even encourage a comment thread. I know very little about social media and sometimes I even intentionally reject how Facebook or Twitter could compliment what I'm already doing.

One of my colleagues at the University was approached about the blogging class first and she said, "I think Dena Hein is better at that and might be interested." It is always who you know, isn't it? So, that's how the invitation came my way.

For over a week now, I've been fretting about whether or not to accept the opportunity. On one hand, it's a great chance to start doing more with my blog--something I've been wanting to do for awhile. I've thought that maybe this class might motivate me to increase the regularity of my posts and help me narrow my focus on topics. It might light a fire under me to finally let my Facebook friends know that I'm blogging and invite them to read me... There are definitely positive things that could come of accepting the class.

But then there's a negative voice in my head that reminds me that I am an unconvenional blogger--barely even doing this as a hobby. Time is always my enemy. With kids, kids' activities (which means driving to and from), dinner, housekeeping, my job, Eric, laundry... the list goes on. It's no wonder my blog posts are scant.

Besides, I'm not the first person I would think of to ask to teach this class if I were on the committee looking for a teacher. It is true that I'm a writing teacher and in some ways that would be good for this class, but even in that area I feel inferior lately. I'm just not writing as much as I would like to--it's mostly the time issue again. So, when contemplating teaching something new, I ask myself, Shouldn't I go back to work on the TWO projects that are already in motion and that need my time and attention rather than add a new endeavor to an already full plate?

In my current class (those Freshman I have at VU in Core), we're in the education unit and talking about what makes a good teacher. Tomorrow we will get to the theorist that says that good teachers do not "deposit" information into students, but instead, provide opportunities for active learning. And by this action, teachers should not know everything, but merely fascilitate the actions for the students to gain knowledge on their own accord.

If I listen to those ideas and take them to heart, this blogging class could be a chance for me to say, "I'm here to show you what I know about blogging and show you what I've done, but I'm also here merely to support whatever you end up doing. And I'll be a student along with you, hoping to learn new things and become better at all this myself."

But then today... As I was once again fretting over "to do" or "not to do" the blogging class, I found this:

This is a dry erase board in Adrienne's room. "Mommy is Awsume" That's what she wrote. Nevermind that she meant "awesome". It made my day AND gave me an idea. What if I started with those blog ideas RIGHT NOW--more consistent posts, a narrower focus, and an announcement to my Facebook friends? I'm not sure if I'm ready for an announcement AND the jury is definitely still out on whether or not I'm ready to teach a blogging class, BUT I know FOR SURE that I can find something "Awesome" each day.

And so it begins... my quest for ONE "AWESOME!" A DAY begins TODAY.

For sure, my "AWESOME!" for today is the sign that Adrienne created last night for no apparent reason. It's the inspiration for the project AND the thing that truly made me feel AWESOME today.

I'm going to try this for 21 days. Remember how I told Andrew (in a desperate moment grasping for anything to say) that any new habit takes 21 days to take hold and find it's spot in your regular routine? Well, I'm going to try it--blog for 21 days to see how it goes. It will be too late to help me decide about the blogging class, but if things so as planned, I'll have much more to help me decide next time.