High Five for Five Days of Awesome

Middle School Blues Officially Busted!

If I had to pick a headline for the state of the union at the Hein House regarding middle school, that's the headline I'd choose.

Andrew had a birthday party today at Zao Island (our local mini golf, go cart, arcade, pizza place). He invited nine boys and actually got five to come despite soccer, football, other parties, family commitments, and the competition of the MOST BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY we've had in a long time.

The boys were polite and good natured. Despite just having met each other a little over a month ago, they all felt like they'd known each other much longer...they laughed a lot, teased each other a bit, and couldn't get enough of the go-karts.

Andrew had fun (and Adrienne even got to join in on a few activities without much squak from the boys). And me? I can close the door on the "adjustment period" to middle school... AWESOME!

Four days in a row... Awesome!

It's the wet and the dry--keeping them separate, folding one into the other... baking has never been something I'd say I'm good at. The "science" of baking doesn't mesh with the "creative" of cooking that I enjoy and so more often than not, my cookies turn out too hard or my cakes too dry.

And so isn't it Eric--the chemistry major and the guy with the most patience of anyone I know, who usually does the baking in the house? Yes, it is.

BUT... Today, I had it in my mind that I wanted to make banana bread or pumpking bread or spice bread... some kind of bread that I could gift to a family that just moved into the neighborhood. They'd invited us over for pizza and although I was already planning to take bakery purchased cut-out cookies as dessert, I wanted to take a home-made housewarming gift.

Maybe it was my sheer determination or maybe it was the care that I took in following the directions to the letter... My pumpkin bread turned out awesome, perfect, and delicious!

I made three mini-loaves--two for the new neighbors and one for Eric and me to taste BEFORE we gifted a home-made, never before made recipe to the neighbors.

Nervously, I cut a small piece from the small loaf. Then I wanted to jump for joy. The "look" of the inside of the bread was as dense as its suppossed to be without being too dry. And then, when the bread hit my tongue...SLAM DUNK. My bread had just the right amount of sweet to bread flavor and just the right amount of pumpkin goodness. I was overjoyed and even more proud when Eric, the household baker, thought I'd done a good job,too.

I wrapped the other two loaves in aluminum foil, tied a yellow ribbon around each package and felt proud to take a home-made, fall-flavored bread to my new friends. AWESOME!

This recipe came from the America's Test Kitchen Healthy Family Cookbook. Here it is:
Pumpkin Bread

1 15oz can of pumpkin (unsweetened)
1 cup sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1 1/3 cup all purpose flour
2/3 cup whole wheat flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1. Cook the pumpkin, sugar, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg, and ginger together in a medium saucepan over medium-high heat, stirring constantly, until thick and shiny, 5-7 minutes. Set aside to cool.

2. Adjust an oven rack to the middle position and heat oven to 350 degrees. Lightly coat an 8 1/2 by 4 1/2 inch loaf pan with vegetable oil spray.

3. Whisk the all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour, baking soda, and baking powder together in a large bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk the cooled pumpkin mixture, melted butter, eggs, and vanilla together.

4. Gently fold the pumpkin mixture into the flour mixture with a rubber spatula until just combined (do not overmix). The batter will be very thick.

5. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan and smooth the top. Bake until golden brown and a toothpick is inserted into the center of the loaf comes out with just a few crumbs attached, 45-55 minutes, rotating hte pan halfway through baking.

**For my little loaf pans, cook time was 25 minutes.

It's Awesome-Day Three

Today, the sun shone high in a cloudless sky. Not too hot, not too cold--it was the most perfect fall day.

Several years ago, while still in graduate school, I went on a writer's retreat with my class. It was exactly this time of year at an old convent near South Bend, Indiana. On a lake, surrounded by trees with golden leaves, this place was perfect for reflection. For several hours each afternoon, we all were required to find a spot outside on the grounds to free write.

In the beginning, I felt so confined by the task that I usually didn't write anything. I sat on the glider by the lake, watching the water ripple or the leaves fall. But one afternoon, whatever previously felt daunting about a free write fell away. I wrote this:

The swing creaks in rhythm with a chirping from an unknown bug a few feet away. Wild flowers, thistles, and grasses sway with me in the wind. The lake, in constant motion, carries fallen leaves.

I hear birds communicating to each other in trees. I feel the heat of the sun on my skin. I focus on my hand--dry, weathered, older than I give myself credit for. I imagine the pores of my skin opening and closing, taking in life at every second like the gills of the fish in the lake.

I lean my head back to see sky. I close my eyes. I pause to record the images. The boundries between earth and sky and water blur. What if I could melt into nature? What if that which lies silent and cluttered within me could find the motion to carry me down my path?

Today, as I'm walking to my mailbox or walking up to meet Adrienne at her bus stop, I think of this essay. I think of how the trees around the neighborhood remind me of the convent turned writing retreat center and that day that I finally broke through my writer's block.

At some point in the same essay, I wrote this:

In January, when the words will not come, I will need an image.

And isn't this an awesome one?

One Awesome a Day- Take Two

It's a rare occurence that I don't sleep well. Aside from my recent anxiety and concern for my kids settling into new schools, I normally sleep soundly--waking up feeling rested. However, last night was one of those nights...I tossed and turned, stared at the ceiling, and watched the clock turn over hour after hour. By the time the sun came up, the thought of facing the day made me feel frazzled.

Add fatigued and forgetful to frazzled, and it makes for a morning where I can't find a single thing I need or everything that I want is on a different floor of the house, forcing me to go up and down the stairs, or to go in and out of rooms. Despite the frantic pace and my frantic mood, I did manage to get both kids out the door with lunch and homework ON TIME.

It was when I was trying to do the same for myself, while running up the stairs in our front hall that I happened to catch a glimpse of the doe just outside the window, in the side yard, eating plants.

We see deer in our yard all the time. And we see them in the wetland (behind the house) daily. It's not that this sight is something new for me. But, seeing the doe so close to the window--so near my own life and routine AND looking right at me, as if she wanted to start a conversation... well, it was awesome!

I was concentrating on a few million thoughts when the doe first caught my eye. It only took a split second for our mutually stare to stop us both from our tasks. Maybe that's what made it so awesome--the curiosity that I felt from the eyes of the animal looking at me was so unique and heart-warming. Feeling frantic, frazzled, fatigued...it all drained from me as I stood on the stairs looking out the window, feeling nose to nose with this small doe.

One of the few million thoughts running through my head just seconds before, had to do with the One Awesome a Day idea. I was feeling as if the day was already off to a bad start and thinking I'd have a slim chance of seeing or doing something awesome when I'd had no sleep and didn't feel as if I had any of my ducks in a row for the day. But then there was this incredibly peaceful and grounding experience that appeared out of nowhere and could be described by no other word than, "Awesome!".

Normally, the deer in the wetland travel in packs--up to 12 at time go running through in the winter. Never do I see just ONE! And for that, I knew I wanted to get my camera. But, how could I look away from this incredible, and no doubt rare, connection to this one, lone doe in my yard? Stepping away from the window might mean that I'd come back to the scene that is most typical on this side of the house: just plants--no deer.

Obviously, I took the risk. And when I returned she was still there and still willing to look right at me, almost more curious about the camera and the flash than she was of me the first time. I got a mediocre image that doesn't come close to capturing the magic I felt.

But maybe, that's what experiencing something "Awesome!" is really about--not being able to adequately re-create the scene.

Just One "Awesome!" a Day Keeps the Doctor Away

I've been asked to teach a class on blogging at a community center in my town. At first I felt excited to share my knowledge... but then I thought, what knowledge? I've been blogging for a long time (about four years), but never consistently, certainly not on the same blog, and never to any commercial or popular success--i.e. I don't run ads, I don't have a "following," and I don't manage or even encourage a comment thread. I know very little about social media and sometimes I even intentionally reject how Facebook or Twitter could compliment what I'm already doing.

One of my colleagues at the University was approached about the blogging class first and she said, "I think Dena Hein is better at that and might be interested." It is always who you know, isn't it? So, that's how the invitation came my way.

For over a week now, I've been fretting about whether or not to accept the opportunity. On one hand, it's a great chance to start doing more with my blog--something I've been wanting to do for awhile. I've thought that maybe this class might motivate me to increase the regularity of my posts and help me narrow my focus on topics. It might light a fire under me to finally let my Facebook friends know that I'm blogging and invite them to read me... There are definitely positive things that could come of accepting the class.

But then there's a negative voice in my head that reminds me that I am an unconvenional blogger--barely even doing this as a hobby. Time is always my enemy. With kids, kids' activities (which means driving to and from), dinner, housekeeping, my job, Eric, laundry... the list goes on. It's no wonder my blog posts are scant.

Besides, I'm not the first person I would think of to ask to teach this class if I were on the committee looking for a teacher. It is true that I'm a writing teacher and in some ways that would be good for this class, but even in that area I feel inferior lately. I'm just not writing as much as I would like to--it's mostly the time issue again. So, when contemplating teaching something new, I ask myself, Shouldn't I go back to work on the TWO projects that are already in motion and that need my time and attention rather than add a new endeavor to an already full plate?

In my current class (those Freshman I have at VU in Core), we're in the education unit and talking about what makes a good teacher. Tomorrow we will get to the theorist that says that good teachers do not "deposit" information into students, but instead, provide opportunities for active learning. And by this action, teachers should not know everything, but merely fascilitate the actions for the students to gain knowledge on their own accord.

If I listen to those ideas and take them to heart, this blogging class could be a chance for me to say, "I'm here to show you what I know about blogging and show you what I've done, but I'm also here merely to support whatever you end up doing. And I'll be a student along with you, hoping to learn new things and become better at all this myself."

But then today... As I was once again fretting over "to do" or "not to do" the blogging class, I found this:

This is a dry erase board in Adrienne's room. "Mommy is Awsume" That's what she wrote. Nevermind that she meant "awesome". It made my day AND gave me an idea. What if I started with those blog ideas RIGHT NOW--more consistent posts, a narrower focus, and an announcement to my Facebook friends? I'm not sure if I'm ready for an announcement AND the jury is definitely still out on whether or not I'm ready to teach a blogging class, BUT I know FOR SURE that I can find something "Awesome" each day.

And so it begins... my quest for ONE "AWESOME!" A DAY begins TODAY.

For sure, my "AWESOME!" for today is the sign that Adrienne created last night for no apparent reason. It's the inspiration for the project AND the thing that truly made me feel AWESOME today.

I'm going to try this for 21 days. Remember how I told Andrew (in a desperate moment grasping for anything to say) that any new habit takes 21 days to take hold and find it's spot in your regular routine? Well, I'm going to try it--blog for 21 days to see how it goes. It will be too late to help me decide about the blogging class, but if things so as planned, I'll have much more to help me decide next time.

In the land of mommy anxiety

Dear Robin,
Tonight, as usual, I asked Andrew how he’s doing at his new school. For the past five weeks, since Andrew’s first day as a “new kid” that’s been a loaded question—a sensitive issue. The kind of sensitive that brought tears for Andrew and long-winded explanations of the sociology of social interaction for me. Sometimes Andrew would get emotional on the way to school or sometimes on the way home. But mostly, it was before bed that I explained how it takes time to get to know people and it takes time to learn your locker combination and your class schedule and the people you want to sit with at lunch. Sometimes I ended up saying, “You know Andrew, experts say it takes 21 days to adjust to a new habit, so just give this the same time.”

I felt desperate on many nights to find the right words to comfort him until I finally realized that no words at all were best and I’d let him cry if he wanted to or I’d watch him toss up his mini basketball into the mini hoop until my head pounded from the jarring vibration of the hoop every time he hit the rim. Then there was the repetition of Kanye West’s Golddigger blaring from his iHome that didn’t help the heartbeat between my eyes or the dull ache in the back of my head.

I’d leave Andrew’s room only to stare at the ceiling all night in my own room.

Teaching the next day for me was difficult. I made mistakes on my syllabus and never seemed to copy the right amount of handouts. Or when I did, the collation process was funky and some students would get a handout without page 3 and they’d all look at me feeling disappointed that they signed up for the lunatic teacher who won’t stop mumbling about “not being herself lately.”

Here’s the thing: I DO UNDERSTAND that kids have to make their own path and they have to solve these school issues and social issues on their own. I support that idea and I’ve been letting that happen. But it hasn’t stopped me from worrying about Andrew and praying that TODAY will be the day that things turn around, that Andrew will tell me that he feels comfortable in his schedule, with his locker, with a friend—whatever it takes to get him back to being the kid I dropped off at that school five weeks ago.

And so that’s where I’ve been… in that land of mommy-anxiety where I was suspended in the world of “waiting for everything to be okay.”

Then tonight…

I asked Andrew how he feels about “everything” now that we’re in the middle of week five…

His response?

“I’m only friends with half of the sixth grade.”

At Andrew’s school that’s about 100 kids.

I look over at Andrew to see he’s got that deviant smile that I knew so well this summer—that look that tells me he’s okay now and that he’s making a joke to show me he’s okay now.

I smiled back and said, “Good.” I wanted to ask more but for tonight, I let it go at that.

In my own bed, I exhaled a deep yoga kind of breath and felt my own anxiety about middle school release.

Maybe I can get back to my regular life now, if there is such a thing.

Slip Slidin' Away

On a horrendously hot day what else is there to do, but buy a Slip N Slide?