Just can't stop thinking about...

I spent the holiday weekend with my husband and kids at the country club pool and at several neighborhood parties. It was really fun to see friends that I don't spend much time with during the school year (for all the usual reasons: sports, homework, my own work, etc.). And as everyone's children have gotten older, our "catch-up" conversations were not the typical small talk of parties of the past.

I've already posted my woes and concerns about Andrew's up and coming entry into middle school here. It seems I'm not the only one with a bone to pick with today's adolescent culture. Facebook, texting, joing clubs, quitting clubs, joining sports, getting cut from sports, failing classes, becoming over-achievers, driving cars, crashing cars... there was so much to share.

One friend told a story about a friend of her neice (in Indianapolis)--straight A student, captain of the volleyball team, aged 17--caught in a 5-some at a drunken party. Another friend wasn't surprised and said even "around here" (meaning Valpo schools)it's rumored that 8th grade girls are giving blow jobs as a favor to be allowed into the high school parties. And apparently, drugs in the middle school and high school are a rising issue for families and school administrators. It's not only the usual suspects of alcohol and marijuana, but also over the counter concoctions, as well.

On Sunday, at a picnic, on what has been arguably the most beautiful day of the year so far, I sat in a folding chair with my mouth open. I felt dizzy thinking about my future with my kids.

I like to think I'm not easily shocked. I tend to be more open minded than most when it comes to talking to my kids about their bodies and sex and the culture around that. Back in the day, I worked at Planned Parenthood where I lugged a huge display case of birth control devices around to public speaking engagements. I passed out condoms at the Indiana State Fair in the early 1990's when the AIDS epidemic was still considered a gay man's cancer. I've put myself out there and have never been afraid to talk about sex.

And so maybe I should clarify: it's not that I'm shocked at the behaviors, per se...my issue is more with the kids that are making the choices. It's my idea of "good" versus "bad" behavior that is being challenged here.

In some ways, despite my experiences with the condoms at the Indiana State Fair, my morals and values are more conservative. I always believed in keeping my knees together, whether in a skirt or a tight pair of cut off jean shorts. I honored my body. My mother taught me that. My grandmother concurred. I never questioned it.

I wasn't a perfect kid nor did I probably deserve to wear a white dress on my wedding day (in the traditional sense if you know what I mean), but...

This is the thing that all of us moms were grappling with at the party-- the culture of being a girl has changed. Just look at the movies now. Female characters kick ass, take names, have sex on their own terms, love and leave just like the male characters have been doing for years.

We all agreed in our picnic conversation that seeing more options for girls is great, but as modern-day mothers, how do we handle the cultural shift? How do we support our daughters in being independent and strong, yet at the same time, set the boundry for what is acceptable (and NOT) in our families?

My mom weighs in on this beatifully... she says she felt confronted with the SAME issues when I was a teenager. She says it happens to every generation--that we think things are SO DIFFERENT, but since when does that change the core message of RESPECT YOURSELF?

According to her wisdom, the lessons you teach to your kids is the same from generation to generation, its the vocabulary (like texting and Facebook) that gets the update. And you repeat your expectations--on the big picture things and the little picture things--like a broken record. You say it and say it until they roll their eyes, until they mock you, and until they finally just sigh and walk off.

Ultimately, according to my mom, you (as the parent) should listen to what others claim is happening in the community. You should educate yourself on internet programs that monitor texting, emails and other cyber stuff. And then talk to your kids--both in a relaxed and fun way AND with the broken record stuff.

I wrote it all here because I want to clear the worry from my mind. Summer has been so fun and relaxing. I don't want to start sleepless nights before school starts. Writing records the emotion for me but clears it from my immediate attention.

And in some ways, I also want it in writing that I'm trying to do everything I can to raise good, respectful, and productive human beings.