Okay, so we're not the Royal Family and we're not into a wedding just yet, but Adrienne does have her first communion on Sunday. And that certainly had the two of us a little white dress crazy for ahwile. What she picked is beautiful. However, I should admit up front that the dress is more "mini-bride" than "first communicant."
I wasn't raised Catholic, so this shouldn't matter to me, but for some reason, I'm fretting (which is not something I normally do) over the merits of a traditional dress versus one that is not.
Adrienne is no Kate Middleton in age or circumstance, but I used the Royal Extravaganca this morning to make one last ditch effort at expressing my opinion about the importance of the appropriateness of dress. I said to Adrienne: "Isn't Princess Kate understated yet, elegant?" Adrienne stuck her tongue out at me and made a face, with no clue of my inner struggles.
Although there are plenty of age-appropriate options in stores and online, there are just enough dresses with that “new,” “more adult” look that little girls feel tempted away from "old school" and totally enticed by a red carpet worthy option.
Do I need to tell you that everything available for third grade girls is styled above their age range, to begin with. I didn’t have a prayer getting Adrienne to wear a tea length with cap sleeves and a round neck (i.e. TRADITIONAL COMMUNION DRESS!!! Exhibit A).
Adrienne and her sense of style comes to her honestly (see last blog post where I say it's better to look like you know what you’re doing than to actually know, and I think you'll agree that type of person would surely birth an offspring with the same world view). She sees what she likes and that's it, there's no changing her mind. I should have expected she would want a communion dress that would be more modern and especially would want one with a little Hollywood flair.
But with all that said, I present to you Exhibit B—the white flower girl ensemble that Adrienne wanted. And forgive me Father, but Exhibit B is what I bought (despite my misgivings) and what Adrienne will be wearing.
In all fairness, it’s not that I don’t agree with her dress. There will be other girls in long, less traditional frocks. And the school and church will take care of keeping the traditions of the ceremony to the traditions of the ceremony. It’s not like choosing a more modern dress makes her communion any different…
It’s just that I’m struggling with family traditions right now--how to make them memorable for my kids. And let's be honest, my irrational concerns over the appropriateness of the dress are really more about the stress of the day.
My parents will travel from Indianapolis, but my dad more than likely won’t go to the church (he didn’t go to Andrew’s two years ago; he watched baseball in the living room). When services are over, he and my mom will bolt out the door like the house is on fire, more than likely passing on the meal that I planned and shopped for this morning. So, left will be Eric’s mom , and sister (along with sister’s child that seems to have a multitude of developmental delays that make him prone to wrecking the kids’ LEGO town painstakingly built and displayed in the basement; In the last week the LEGO town was just restored to the glory it enjoyed before his last visit of destruction at Christmas).
It’s not that we have issues with Eric’s mom, sister and sister’s child, it’s just that we have a very superficial relationship based on two or three visits a year where conversation is just as superficial. There is no depth, only duty.
So, when Adrienne asked for a big party for her communion, “like all the other girls,” I got a headache thinking about what a “party” at our house might be like--especially compared to the huge gatherings and extended family celebrations that her classmates will have.
It is for this reason I let Adrienne get the mini bride dress and the clear “high heels” and the crown for the “up-do” I’ll create out of her hair.
But the lesson that I've learned from this is one that I teach my students: "We only know what we know." That might seem a little rudimentary and simplistic, but it's actually based off of Plato (the ancienty Greek philosopher) who tells us that we are easily shielded from seeing everything in the world. We have to try to make sense of it all.
So here's what I know, on Sunday, Adrienne won’t care if it’s raining or only 46 degrees. She won’t care if the skies are gray or if Poppa stays home to watch baseball. She won’t recognize the superficial conversations or the headache I will surely have. She won't miss my parents at the dinner following the services. The only thing she will know and acknowledge is that her mommy bought her the dress she wanted. She’ll feel good about herself and THAT is what tradition is made of, and THAT is what she will remember.
When I frame it that way, traditional dress versus non traditional dress makes no difference. Adrienne as happy girl... priceless.
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