Nicer Teeth

Here's what I envy about Eric: he approaches life without attachment.

As a dentist in a busy office, he sometimes sees 75 people in one afternoon--people that don't always have a habit of brushing their teeth. He tells them to brush their teeth, of course. He gives them prescriptions for special rinses and recommends fillings or extractions, as needed, but he never takes this stuff personally. If a patient comes back in a year and still doesn't brush or floss and still hasn't had the cavity filled, he shrugs. Don't get me wrong, I'm not implying that he's a bad practitioner of dentistry. To the contrary, he's excellent! He gives the same exam to a complete stranger that he does to me, his wife. His explanations are heartfelt and his desire IS for everyone to get better, to have nicer teeth.

The thing I envy is that he's not invested in the outcome. At least after doing this for over 14 years at the type of office where he works, he’s learned to be committed to his career and his quality of care, but his sense of accomplishment at the end of the day rarely relies on his impressions of what other people thought of him. He's not compromising his practice by thinking this way. Instead, he's figured out that you share your best self with people when you love your job--You share your knowledge in a friendly and helpful way. He’s been known to say, “You can't waste your time worrying if those people you are sharing with get it or not.”

He's accepted that he can't expect everyone he sees to want nicer teeth in the way that he wants nicer teeth for them.

And it's for that, that I want to learn to be Eric.

But for now, I am still me and sitting here feeling really crappy about my day at the office--my day leading 41 freshman students in a discussion about Good Will Hunting (the 1997 movie with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon) for the third time this week.

Here's the thing about me: I tackle everything in my life with energy and enthusiasm. I invest myself in everything I'm doing.
There are lots of people that think that's great, the recipe for success. They'll say things like, "You have to believe in what you're doing," "Everyone should invest 100% if they really love their job."

Sometimes those comments sustain me, but on the days when one of my students seems completely disconnected from class and isn’t even trying, I feel responsible. I beat myself up over what I can do to bring that student back into the fold of learning. Some might suggest that if I have a student that is not connected that I did, indeed, do something wrong or that I didn't do something right to make those connections happen.

It’s usually those days that Eric comes home with a smile—having done his good deed of sharing his best self and then coming home. When I tell Eric about my day, his response is something like, "Your students just don't want nicer teeth today. Maybe tomorrow." Then he usually shrugss.

I always thought teaching was about being in charge which is nice way of saying that teaching is about controlling people. But today, I had no control over sleepy students (two that laid their heads down on the table and slept and several others who dozed off and on while sitting upright), or the ones that haven't read the selection for the day, or the ones that are willing to think hard enough to make cognitive leaps.

I can only stand up in front of them and offer my expertise and hope that understand and "get it" so that they get the educational equivalent to nicer teeth.